Similar to the way other spiritual practices connect us to God, our soul friends help us sit with him.
They have the capacity to help restore life to the soul.
~ Mindy Caliguire, Spiritual Friendship

Spiritual friendship is a relationship that acknowledges God is in the mix, creating a space where we together listen for what God is telling us and together learn the lessons God has to teach.  And then we help one another act on this hearing and discovering.

One characteristic of an enduring spiritual friendship is the depth that is encountered.  This develops slowly over time as acquaintances go beyond acquaintance through the sharing of personal stories, hopes, and disappointments.  Risks are taken and they are rewarded with understanding and the keeping of confidence.  And then there is a “more”: the mutual desire to love like God and become the mirror image of Jesus Christ.  This passion is the basis for much conversation and shared time together.  Becoming like Jesus is the most important part of living for both people individually and, as such, it is the same for their life together.  It becomes the fundamental basis for being with one another, whether we are aware of it or not.

This depth can be equally experienced because the friendship is fundamentally equal.  While there are periods when one or another person receives more attention, over time the relationship is in balance.  Equal parts listening.  Equal parts talking.  Equal parts needing.  Equal parts giving.  Equal.  This may be hard to imagine in a world that is defined by hierarchy.  But in spiritual friendship time and attention is given to the value that each person brings to the relationship, and these abilities are honored and celebrated in equal measure.  Neither is deeper or smarter or funnier.  Each friend is as priceless as the other.  Each friend honors and is deeply honored.

Part of what brings this equality is a fundamental commitment to be available and vulnerable. First, spiritual friends are completely available to one another—dependant on family and other responsibilities, any moment of the day is a good one for connecting.  Plus, in the moment of especial need, the friend quite easily puts himself in the shoes of the other and works twice as hard to bring comfort or resolution.  Second, a vulnerable relationship is inevitable when God is involved.  The mask has been taken off; there is nothing to hide; we are in the presence of the Divine.  We are at peace with one another and can reach a level of honesty that we do not have even with ourselves.  Correction is not only encouraged it is requested.  We know that the other has our good at heart, and we experience it as a great good when we are given assistance.  Availability and vulnerability become our unstated vows made to one another. *

Finally, because we are available and vulnerable we can create a space of truth.  We offer it all to one another, our biggest dreams and our greatest failings.  We are open to being challenged to become our best selves, be this in addressing our habitual flaws or our under-used talents.  We are looking for help and eager to give it.  We speak the truth in love and love hearing it.

Depth.  Equal.  Available.  Vulnerable.  Truth.  These words describe the most rewarding relationships we can enter into, spiritual friendships that have at heart our mutual-desire to experience Jesus Christ as Savior, Teacher, Lord, and Friend.

*  “Availability” and “vulnerability” are the actual vows of The Northumbria Community, a worldwide lay religious order that is headquartered at Hetton Hall in the northeast of England.